Defining Moments

In light of Christmas, the day in which we celebrate Jesus’ birth, the natural topic for December fairly leaps at you. So much has been said of his life & mission that I have been unable to settle on a better way to teach of Christ than to praise him through testimony. I begin by sharing spiritually defining moments from my own life &close by attempting to express my feelings for my elder Brother. These defining moments are occasions or events in our lives that forever alter our view of the world, moments after which we are never the same. In a spiritual sense these moments equate to periods of clarity, or of testimony, brief glimpses of things as they really are or ought to be, an occasional peak into the eternities. Through these experiences and others like them I have gained a personal witness of my Savior Jesus Christ.

My earliest recollection of such a moment was an evening at home with my family. I must have been 10 or 12 years old, we were gathered in my parents’ room and I was lounging on the floor alongside their bed with everyone else either on the bed or near me on the floor. Although I don’t remember just what was asked, I do remember it being a question regarding testimony & how we know the church is true. The clearest part of this memory is my emotional response that “I don’t know how I know, I just do.” I remember fondly the warm pleasant confirmation that accompanied the teenage embarrassment associated with exposing my soul. I also recall a few years later sitting on a pool table in the back of a large common room at the hotel where we held that years youth conference. One of the speakers instructed us as to the powerful influence of music on our minds & lives. Sometime in the same meeting reference was made to Job & his suffering. His testimony was quoted “though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God.” (Job 19:26) As I repeated those words tears filled my eyes & the spirit taught me more than any guest speaker about the truthfulness of that statement. I knew then that I will indeed be resurrected & in this body be brought to stand before God the Father & Jesus Christ to be judged.

I never questioned weather or not I would serve a mission, not going really was not an option. I had a testimony unproven as it was & I had been taught that a mission is what young men of faith do. If you believe, if you have received a witness that God lives, that Joseph Smith was a Prophet, that he restored the true church of Jesus Christ to the earth and, translated the Book of Mormon then you serve. My belief in what qualifies one for service has not changed. If you acknowledge Christ as your Savior a desire to serve comes naturally.

Knowing that a mission was the right thing to do did not make it easy. I went to sleep many nights on a pillow wet with my own tears. These times of intense emotion brought me closer to my Savior & allowed me to experience, maybe for the first time, the comforting power of the Holy Ghost. I grew to trust the Lords hand in my life. The most poignant was afternoon in Zaragotha, my easy going companion was content to spend an hour at the church waiting for a ward activity. Normally I would not have been opposed to this as it was winter & the other option was street contacts, which are rarely productive & not much fun even in the best of weather. On this particular day however I was terribly agitated & could not hold still. I wanted to be out on the street, I felt like there was someone we needed to meet. At length my companion consented under duress to accompany me back out on the streets for a few more minutes wasted in the cold. So we walked. After about 45 minutes of aimless wandering we headed back to the ward activity, I still had not felt inclined to approach anyone & I was becoming frustrated. Finally in desperation I attempted to stop a thin blond woman hurrying in the opposite direction. In answer to my equally hurried & less than perfect introduction of who were & what we intended she blithely answered that “I know who you are & where you meet, I will come by tonight” at which she continued on her way. Neither I nor my calloused companion believed for an instant that she would be a woman of her word. So in defeat we returned to the chapel without making much of an effort for additional contacts. I was sure that I had somehow failed again to meet the Lords expectations of me, or so I thought. Midway though that evening’s activity the unexpected happened, SHE CAME! Maria Luisa was baptized 2 weeks later. The Lord does work miracles through the “weak things of the world” and “by small & simple means.” My mission was a defining spiritual experience.

Children require change. Your life changes from the first moment you see hold & hear them. Very little is ever the same again. Meals are different, the home is different. Silence becomes a coveted rarity & sleep, a cherished dream. Yet I could not be happier. I love each of my children in ways impossible to express. There was a night 5 or 6 years ago when the power of God was directly manifest in our home. Nearly eight months pregnant Tammie awoke in pain. Her water had broken 6 weeks early. Due in large part to the subsequent blessing Curt came to us unharmed. I have never been more grateful for the priesthood & Gods willingness to bless & protect my family than I was that night.

The Lord continues to show me mercy by touching my life with his love. There will yet be defining moments in my future. These times are when significant spiritual growth occurs. The Lord loves us to much to abandon us on an eternal plateau.

Alma the younger once exclaimed “Oh that I were an angel & could have the wish of mine heart.” Alma wanted to speak with the voice of God, to cry repentance unto all men every where & bring souls unto Christ. He wanted to share the joy in his heart. I too wish to share the admiration, gratitude & love in my heart. I want you to know, to feel, that I have a testimony of Christ, that I love him. I trust him & that although I too often cause cloudy communication he does answer my prayers, even those as yet unspoken. He speaks & teaches while I try to listen & obey.

Jesus Christ lives, today. There is grandeur in that statement. He lives! The resurrection happened, it is for real. Jesus suffered & died on the cross. For three days his body lay in a borrowed tomb while he organized missionary work among the dead & then he reunited his body & spirit perfect for ever. Because he did this I too will be resurrected. Born to Mary his mortal mother he is the only direct physical offspring of God the Father. Christ was therefore a God in the flesh. His life is the perfect example of how we should live, act & serve. He is “the way the truth & the life.” His way is the only way, all that we may achieve on earth means nothing if we do not allow our will, or desires to be swallowed up in his. His way is the only way. Anything else will in the end be meaningless. He was tempted beyond what any mortal man could have withstood; he knows well what it is to be buffeted by Satan & how it feels to be left alone with out the spirit. In spite of this he fulfilled his mission. He knew what was in store for him, he knew the suffering & pain that awaited. Fully aware of the task at hand, he first asked if there was no other way, said he, “if it be possible let this cup pass from me” and then the words which show his faith, his commitment, his character, “not as I will, but as thou wilt.” The most powerful man ever to walk the face of the earth was also the most humble.

Hymns have always been a conduit to my heart for gospel truths. You will recognize these next phrases; they are verses that have touched me, truths that have reached my heart or expressions of testimony. “I believe in Christ; he is my King! With all my heart to him I’ll sing”, “He lives! All glory to his name! He lives, my Savior still the same. Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives: I know that my Redeemer lives!”, “And when I think that God, his Son not sparing, sent him to die, I scarce can take it in, that on the cross, my burden gladly bearing, he bled and died to take away my sin. Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, how great thou art, how great thou art.”, “The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes. That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”, “I need thee, oh I need thee, every hour I need thee! Oh bless me know my savior, I come to thee.”

It pains me to know that I contributed to his agony. His suffering was bad enough without my stupid mistakes. He chose to suffer for me, for me. God cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance. Zero tolerance. Absolute perfection is the standard. I fail to attain such a level of performance. I am considerably less than perfect. Even as we progress beyond sins of commission and more clearly recognize our responsibilities as sons & daughters of God, we become accountable for the things we don’t do & even for our attitude in doing. “Oh how great the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.” (Helaman 12:7) The dust obeys every time, do I?

Because I do not, it was “expedient that a an atonement should be made ; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened ; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement…. For it is expedient that there should be a great and last sacrifice … an infinite and eternal sacrifice.”(Alma 34:9&10) Jesus Christ was that sacrifice. In Gethsemane he bore the punishment for every sin & wrong doing of every person who ever came to earth. “Which suffering caused (Christ) the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit – and would that (he)might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink-” ( D&C 19:18). I am humbled by his action. His personal sacrifice allows Jesus to intercede on my behalf with the father. Because justice has been served Father can extend me the mercy I so desperately require. Because Jesus Christ has already accepted the punishment for my sins I can be redeemed & live forever with my family, in the presence of God. This is my ultimate goal, Life Eternal, to live forever with God.

There is nothing save denial of the Holy Ghost for which I may not be forgiven. The Love of God, the charity which Christ has for me, expressed Gethsemane & on the cross, guarantees me a place in heaven if I but do one thing, Come unto Christ, accept his offering, his gift. To do so I must repent & rededicate myself to more fully keep his commands, to “rise from the dust”. When I stumble, fall or fail all I must do is come unto Christ & once again rededicate myself to keeping his commands. The price has already been paid, the blood spilt. I love Jesus Christ. He is my personal Savior. I must not let his suffering be in vain.

For what it's worth.